You Have Been More Than Patient

Today I babysat for my friend's little girl. Our friends, Krissi and Will, have a little girl who is a total doll! I had a lot of fun making her smile, rocking her to sleep, and watching her walk all over the house with me while I did laundry and loaded the dishwasher. This is her asleep. Isn't she the sweetest? She slept like that for at least an hour! She just turned one at the end of March.
This picture leads me to my next subject. Krissi and I set out on our journey to motherhood the same month in 2006. Almost two years later, 8 friends of mine have gotten pregnant and many have already delivered their babies. Jeremy and I are still on that journey. As many of you know, that trip to Little Rock a couple weeks ago was to see a Fertility Specialist. We have been dealing with them since November 2007, but we went down for information on the IVF process. This is our latest and last treatment option.

First of all, let me backtrack. Like I said, Jeremy and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. When we began trying we both really wanted to keep it a secret. We were imagining the fun and excitement of announcing it to our friends and family. We were already thinking up names, planning a nursery, thinking about paint colors, everything you do when you have finally decided to start trying for a baby. We had finally gotten to the point where we felt settled. We had a new house, I was out of beauty school and established in a salon, and we felt like we could afford it. The Lord had other plans for us. I was crushed the first month it didn't work out. I remember sitting in the parking lot at Tractor Supply on the 4th of July to watch the fireworks over Baum Stadium barely able to carry on an intelligent conversation because I had gotten confirmation that morning that I was not pregnant.

That month turned into two. Two turned into six. Six turned into ten. By that point, I was convinced that I might have to see a doctor about this. Of course they kind of put me off, because after all, I was young and had no obvious problems, it was just gonna take time. I had a few tests run, all came back normal. Finally I had had enough of this waiting game. I told the nurse that I wanted to do something about it. They put me on a fertility drug. I tried this drug for two months and went in for a blood test on the second month and they called me back and told me that I was not ovulating. SERIOUSLY?? I've gone over a year and we're just now finding out I am not regularly ovulating? So I switched doctors. We tried 3 more rounds of the drugs and finally the doctor suggested I try an IUI. Interuterine Insemination. They simply give you drugs to grow and mature your eggs, then a trigger shot to make it ovulate, then inject the sperm into your uterus with a catheder on exactly the right day. We tried that twice. With two failed IUIs under out belt, I got very discouraged. I finally gathered my nerve and called a fertility clinic in Little Rock. I had been referred to those doctors by a few people and thought what the heck?

This new doctor suggested that we try injectible medication with our IUI. So I was taught how to stick a needle in my stomach for about 6 days of the month, then I would travel to Little Rock for an insemination. After two more failed IUIs with injectibles attempts, I was done. The doctors have never been able to find anything wrong with either one of us. Jeremy and I had been praying for guidance on what next. We prayed for adoption, for IVF, for doing nothing. We didn't know what God wanted us to do. Slowly it seemed like our answer came when we found out we had insurance coverage for one round of IVF.

IVF is a very detailed and intensive process. There are many drugs involved.

Yes that's a huge bag of NEEDLES! I have already started some of the drug protocol. The needle they start you out with is tiny, then the next set is a little bigger, then the last ones that you take for at least two weeks straight are HUGE. Right now they have me in a medically induced state of menopause...so far, other than being a little cranky, menopause is ok. Soon I will start large doses of egg stimulating drugs that will, no doubt, make me feel crazy. Not to mention a steriod, an antibiotic, progesterone shots in the bum, and several estrogen patches. Fun!

I will endure many appointments at my doctor's office up here to monitor my progress. I will feel like a pin cushion with all those lab draws in addition to all of the needles I'll be sticking in my belly and rear. Finally by the end of April early May, we will head to Little Rock to actually have the egg retrieval, fertilization, and transfer.

I am so excited and so ready to get the show on the road! I am a girl of action! I like to have a plan! Please continue your prayers for us. I know from day to day my emotions change about the whole process. Soometimes I am excited, others I am saddened that we had to go to this extreme. While at times, it seems cold and clinical, when I think of the outcome, my heart is warmed. We understand that we have around a 55% chance of success. If this doesn't work, we will be back to the drawing board. We will pray for the money to adopt. We know our future is in God's hands and are calmed about a negative outcome with that thought alone. He knows us, loves us, and has our best intentions at heart. He will sustain us until we are blessed with a child.

I really struggled with putting all this info up here for the whole world to see. I tend to be private about these matters, but dealing with it all has made me be open about it. Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and support. I know I have a huge group of family and friends who will be truly and genuinely happy for us when the time does come. Thank you for being so good to us!